Sunday, February 24, 2013

Live-blogging the Oscars

Not many web pages live-blog the Daytona 500 and the Oscars, but the HP is not just any other web page.

The only Oscar-nominated movie I saw this year was Lincoln, but I still love Oscar night.  If you want to read some British snark on the Academy Awards, the Guardian's live-blog is here.  Smart Girl is watching with me as the stars enter on the red carpet.  If we have any observations, they'll go in the comments.

97 comments:

  1. Hi, Smart Girl here. Just a disclaimer, I know who almost none of these people are, so don't expect lots of names. I'm honestly just watching for the songs.

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  2. For the record, I think Kristen Chenoweth looks ill. I hope she isn't really ill, because I'm actually worried about her.

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  3. Here are some predictions from InTrade:

    1. Argo has an 82.5 percent chance to win Best Picture.

    2. Daniel Day-Lewis has a 95.5 percent chance to win Best Actor.

    3. Jennifer Lawrence has a 66.0 percent chance to win Best Actress

    4. Steven Spielberg has a 68.3 percent chance to win Best Director.

    5. Tommy Lee Jones has a 44.0 percent chance to win Best Supporting Actor.

    6. Ann Hathaway has a 98 percent chance to win Best Supporting Actress.

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  4. Smart Girl here. So far, mostly, I have liked the necklaces more than the dresses.

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  5. By the way, George Clooney's beard is a mistake -- unless he's doing it for a role.

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  6. GH: I love that commercial where the kid gets the really strong kids to play football with him against the other kids. I want to know more about that story.

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  7. SG: I'm waiting to see something besides people I don't know talking to other people I don't know and commercials. So far, I've been disappointed.

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  8. GH: Here's our host: Seth McFarlane. For the record, I just don't think "Family Guy" is that funny, but I'll keep an open mind.

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  9. SG: Since these Oscars have the theme of music in films, is the whole thing going to be a musical? I'd like to see all the movie stars in the audience get up and sing.

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  10. SG: Or the whole thing could be this guy talking. That works too, I guess.

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  11. GH: McFarlane is doing a very traditional standup act -- like something Bob Hope would have done in 1962. Here are some examples:

    "The movies had a big year. They made something like $10.8 billion last year. It's been harder than ever for studio accountants to show that the studios made no profits."

    "Daniel Day-Lewis is here, of course. Daniel, you stayed in character as Lincoln 24 hours a day. So, if you saw a cell phone, did you say 'What the heck is that?"

    "Django Unchained. This is the story of a man fighting to get back his woman, who has been subjected to unspeakable violence. Or, as Chris Brown and Rianna would call it, a date movie."

    "Tonight's ceremony will be watched by a billion people worldwide. Which is why Jodie Foster will soon be up here to complain about her privacy."

    It goes on like that.

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  12. Now Star Trek has turned into Doctor Who. Ok...

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  13. GH: Oh, wait. Now I see. MacFarlane was being ironically bad. Now the ceremony has been interrupted by William Shatner as James T. Kirk. "Kirk" tells MacFarlane that he's here to save him from humiliating himself by doing an offensive song.

    He then plays a song called "We Saw Your Boobs," in which Seth MacFarlane sings on and on about which actresses were topless in which movies. There's that "Family Guy" magic.

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  14. SG: Sorry that comment about Star Trek was me. Maybe I'm messed up since I haven't seen that much Star Trek, but I thought they didn't have time travel capacities normally.

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  15. GH; Kirk suggests something more traditional, so Seth goes into "The Way You Look Tonight," accompanied by a pair of dancers.

    Kirk comes back and introduces a reenactment of the movie "Flight," done with sock puppets. It's about as funny as it sounds.

    What's ironic is that Kirk is introducing these bits to show how "bad" MacFarlane is. But the bits are, in fact, really bad.

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  16. GH: Now we have Daniel Radcliffe and someone else to join Seth in a soft-shoe number of "High Hopes." I'm starting to think that this really could go down in Oscar history as an epic disaster.

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  17. SG: So far, my favorite part was Daniel Radcliffe.

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  18. GH: Now Seth is doing a "Flying Nun" skit with Sally Field. The skit turns on the notion that a beautiful nun is "so hot." Again, that "Family Guy" magic.

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  19. SG: No, this guy is not allowed to sing "Be Our Guest" or any form of it. There is one version, and that is it.

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  20. GH: Believe it or not, this Seth thing is still going. Now he's doing an old-school dance number to "Be Our Guest."

    Here's the problem: Seth MacFarlane loves the old Hollywood stuff that we all grew up watching in the 1970's. But he also feels obliged to make fun of it. As a result, the whole opening was just a big mess.

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    1. GH: Yeah, just say, "Look. I was born in 1973. I love 'Star Trek,' 'The Flying Nun,' 'The Sound of Music,' and all the other stuff I grew up watching as a kid. And yes, I probably like that stuff a lot more than stuff I should like, such as 'Hamlet' or 'Don Quixote.' But I don't care, and I'm here to celebrate things that have given me a lot of joy."

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  21. GH: OK, now we're on to the award for Best Supporting Actor. According to InTrade, this is a toss-up between Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) and Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained).

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  22. SG: I didn't like that opening at all. It wasn't appropriate and they changed a Disney song. That's something you don't do.

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  23. GH: And Christoph Waltz wins. That's OK -- Tommy Lee Jones already won for "The Fugitive."

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  24. SG: I'm just going to be quiet here, because I didn't watch many movies this year, so I don't know who most of these people are.

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  25. GH: For the record, the Guardian said that the Oscars needed a shot in the arm 'after the host's stuttering opening monologue."

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  26. GH: I like these "Unicorn Apocalypse" commercials for Samsung, but SmartMom and SmartGirl do not.

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  27. GH: Now we get Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy who come out and do a bit about bad voice acting. It's not funny. Then they give us the nominees for best animated short.

    The winner is "Paperman," which makes the ladies in my family very happy. I haven't seen the other nominees, but Paperman was very good.

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  28. SG: YES! I've actually seen Paperman, and it is adorable. If you haven't seen it, go and look it up on YouTube. It's so cute.

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  29. GH: And now the award for Best Animated Feature. It seems to have been a weak year for this category. The winner is "Brave," and someone in a kilt comes on stage to collect the Oscar.

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  30. SG: I'm not sure why the guy who did Brave is wearing a kilt. I'm pretty sure they aren't in Scotland.

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  31. I think they should have had the people from Les Mis sing onstage. That would've been awesome.

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  32. GH: Here's Reese Witherspoon to introduce "Les Miserables," "Life of Pi," and "Beasts of the Southern Wild," three of the nominees for best picture.

    Now we're getting clips from those movies. I'm pretty sure I won't ever see any of them.

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  33. SG: Now that guy is talking again. I don't like him. He's making lots of rude jokes, and they're not funny.

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  34. GH: Now we get the cast from "The Avengers," which was actually the most popular picture of the year. They start into a pretty funny bit about cinematographers, which turn on jokes about themselves. Those two minutes were better than anything Seth has done.

    And the award for Best Cinematography goes to "Life of Pi." A man with long, really long white hair comes up and tells us how difficult it was to make "Life of Pi." He seems very, very happy to have won.

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  35. SG: I wanted the Avengers or the Hobbit to win. Apparently, Life of Pi is the best movie ever made, at least technically.

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  36. GH: The Avengers' cast is now doing a bit on visual effects.

    The award for Best Visual Effects goes to: "Life of Pi."

    A whole team of folks come up to accept this time. They tell us that sometimes it takes a risk to make something special.

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  37. GH: Next up: Jennifer Aniston and some guy with a crew cut come out to give out awards for costumes.

    Hang on: the crew-cut guy is Channing Tatum, but that doesn't tell me much.

    The award for Best Costume Design goes to "Anna Karenina."

    The award for Makeup and Hairstyling goes to "Les Miserables," which beats out "The Hobbit." Given that Anne Hathaway's haircut seems to have been the biggest cultural impact from that movie, this seems appropriate.

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  38. SG: Finally, something I've seen has won.

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  39. GH: Halle Berry enters to do introduce a celebration of 50 years of James Bond. She tells us that "Bond music is a genre of its own." Then we get a little montage of Bond music and images that is better than pretty much everything else we've seen so far.

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  40. SG: I actually think that I would prefer watching Goldfinger to watching this.

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    1. I would even rather Casino Royale, a movie I don't care for at all, than this.

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  41. GH: And here's Dame Shirley Bassey, to sing "Goldfinger." She doesn't sound quite as good as she did in 1965, but who among us does?

    This is a very, very odd broadcast so far. It's hard to see who among us really wanted to see Captain Kirk hamming it up in the opening number, or who was really looking forward to hearing Shirley Bassey. The whole show has an oddly nostalgic air to it.

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    1. That Shirley Bassey was probably my favorite thing in the whole show. The Oscars does not need to make fun of itself. David Letterman needs to make fun of the Oscars, but the Oscars does not need to make fun of itself. The Oscars needs to be the night when all of the movie people should get together and confirm for one another--and testify to all of us--that what they do is important and divine. This message comes through in some of the acceptance speeches and moments like this beautifully human and earnest Shirley Bassey song, but then you get a lot of the show trying to poke fun at the whole endeavor. Boo that. Just be who you are. Either you're going to convince me, or I'm going to watch old Late Night clips on YouTube. But just be who you are.

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    2. GH: This summarizes my view exactly.

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  42. GH: Here are Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington to give the award for Best Life-Action Short. I never see any of these films, and I don't even know where to look for them.

    The Oscar goes to "Curfew," which is about a guy who has to spend a few hours looking after his niece. Now that sounds interesting -- I might watch that if I knew where it was.

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  43. GH: And now: Best Documentary Short. This goes to "Inocente," which is about a homeless teenage artist. The filmakers bring up the homeless artist and urge us to do more to support art.

    Seth claps earnestly.

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  44. GH: Liam Neeson comes out to tell us about some more Best Picture Nomintees: Argo, Lincoln, and Zero Dark Thirty. And then we get clips from those movies. I should probably see "Argo," but I have an unfair bias against Ben Affleck, and against almost anything from the late 1970's.

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  45. SG: I'M annoyed that they introduced Liam Neeson as a hero, because the main thing I've seen him in was Batman Begins, where he was the main villain.

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  46. GH: Seth tells us that the Daniel Day-Lewis was great, but that the actor who really got in Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth. The crowd groans.

    Seth says, "150 years and it's still too soon?" He then makes a few more bad jokes.

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  47. SG: Now we have the Lincoln joke, which was in extremely poor taste. Ha, ha. Hey, look, I'm mocking myself.

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  48. GH: Ben Affleck, who is now a Very Serious Person, comes out to give the award for Best Documentary Feature. This goes to "Searching for Sugar Man," which is about efforts to track down a musician who was a big star in South Africa. It seems to have been a popular choice.

    By the way, this year when the speeches go too long, the band starts playing the theme from "Jaws."

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    1. Just cut to the commercial. Or cut to another camera and turn off the microphone if you have to. Quit being so whiny about long acceptance speeches--just do something about it, or let it go.

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  49. SG: I think that if you go on too long, the plastic shark from the 60's Batman movie should come on and start eating you.

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  50. SG: I am shocked. Where are the films from Antarctica?

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  51. GH: Now we have Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain to give the award for Best Foreign Language Film. This award goes to Austria, for Amour, a movie about an elderly couple devastated by illness.

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  52. GH Next up, John Travolta comes out to introduce a celebration of movie musicals.

    We then get Catherine Zeta-Jones, who does "All That Jazz" from "Chicago," along with a cast of dozens. That's not really my favorite song from "Chicago," but she puts a lot of energy into it.

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  53. GH: Then we get Jennifer Hudson, who does "I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" from "Dream Girls." She does her usual volcanic job, although the orchestra sounds even louder than she does.

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  54. SG: I just want them to reenact Les Mis. I don't really know any of the people who have been singing.

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  55. GH: And now we have the cast from Les Mis, who sing some songs from Les Mis. For the record, this sort of old-school Hollywood earnestness is much more effective, and attractive, than Seth's irony.

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    1. GH: This also gets a standing ovation, and it was quite good. To me, stuff like this is why people watch the Oscars.

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  56. SG: Now we get a Les Mis medley. Finally! Yay!

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  57. SG: This is the best part of the Oscars so far. I loved Les Mis and this is much better than bad jokes. Just sing!

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  58. GH: Here's the part on the tech awards. The tech guys always have their own ceremony, and a starlet has to go give them awards. This year the tech guys got Zoe Saldana, and I'm sure they had a blast.

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  59. GH: Now we have Mark Wahlberg and the Teddy Bear from Seth's movie "Ted." The Teddy Bear goes into a routine about the big Post-Hollywood Orgy. Thanks, Seth.

    MW and the Teddy Bear give the award for Sound Mixing. It goes to "Les Miserables." Three guys come up to get awards, and they seem very pleased.

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  60. GH: The award for Sound Editing is a tie. First, Mark Wahlberg gives an award for "Zero Dark Thirty," and the guy from that movie comes up and makes a little speech. Then, Mark Wahlberg gives an award to "Skyfall," and the team from that movie comes up.

    That was sort of neat. I don't remember ever seeing a tie before.

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  61. SG: I got your little "Sound of Music" joke, Oscar people. I saw what you were up to.

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  62. GH: Seth introduces Christopher Plummer with a bit from "The Sound of Music" in which he keeps calling for "The Von Trapp Family Singers," and the camera pans over to a closed door. It's about as funny as it sounds.

    Christopher Plummer is here to give the award for Best Supporting Actress, which is supposed to go to Anne Hathaway.

    And it does go to Anne Hathaway. She seems to be a very popular winner.

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    1. You knew it had to be Anne Hathaway when they brought out Christopher Plummer to do the award, because Anne Hathaway's haircut now basically looks like Julie Andrews's haircut in The Sound of Music.

      A competing network should've aired The Sound of Music against the Oscars as its own celebration of musicals.

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  63. SG: Shocker, Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress. To be fair, she was absolutely amazing in Les Mis. She absolutely deserves it.

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  64. GH: Now we have the President of the Academy, who tells us that in a few years, Hollywood will have a new Museum of Motion Pictures. And then he introduces some college kids who won some type of contest about the future of the movies.

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  65. SG: I am sick of the host. He doesn't take anything seriously. I can't stand him.

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  66. GH: Sandra Bullock comes out to give the award for Best Film Editing.

    This award goes to "Argo." The editor seems very pleased to win.

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  67. GH: And here's Louisville's own Jennifer Lawrence to introduce Adele, who sings "Skyfall." Again, this is one of those things you should see at the Oscars -- a big star singing a big song. For what it's worth, I just saw "Skyfall" again on DVD -- that was a great, great movie.

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  68. SG: I like this part too. I just saw Skyfall for the first time the other day and this opening was one of my favorite parts of the movie.

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  69. GH: Adele's performance is worthy of the millions of views it will probably get on YouTube, although the stage is cluttered with an orchestra and a choir who don't seem to contribute very much.

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  70. GH: For the record, the show seems to be dead in the water. I don't think any of this year's movies are going to be remembered as great classics, and the show seems lacking in star power for the most part. I'm pretty sure the biggest star we've seen so far is Jamie Foxx -- who is great, but normally you get to see some Really Big Names at the Oscars. I agree with SmartMom, who says that the musical numbers have been the only good parts.

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  71. SG: I just want to skip all the awards and just watch the musical numbers. And now it turns out that Amour, one of, if not the most, depressing movies ever was nominated for Best Picture.

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  72. GH: Here's Nichole Kidman to give us some more nominees for best picture: "Silver Linings Playbook," "Django Unchained," and "Amour." I want to see "Silver Linings Playbook," but I am not likely to see "Amour," which sounds depressing beyond words.

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  73. GH: Daniel Radcliffe and Kristin Stewart come out to give the award for Achievement in Production Design. That award goes to "Lincoln."

    None of the major pictures have been able to get on much of a roll. I'm surprised at the extent to which the awards are spread out.

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  74. GH: Penelope Cruz is telling us who received various lifetime awards. This year, they went to D.A. Pennebaker, George Stevens, Jr., Hal Needham, and Jeffrey Katzenberg. They had folks like Tom Hanks and Annette Bening at the lifetime award ceremony -- tonight's show could have used some of that star power.

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  75. GH: Here's Kentucky's own George Clooney (with beard) to introduce the best part of Oscar night -- the tribute to those who died. This year the movies lost Ernest Borgnine, Jack Klugman, Celeste Holm, Charles Durning, Herbert Lom, Nora Ephron, Ray Bradbury, and Marvin Hamlisch.

    When Marvin Hamlisch's picture appears, the curtains part and a real star -- Barbra Streisand -- comes onstage to sing "The Way We Were." She is about 70 years old, so this will probably be her last appearance at the Oscars.

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  76. GH: I think Samsung will regret that commercial where the Unicorn Zombie guys are making fun of the lady accountants. The women in my house hate that commercial.

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  77. GH: Now we have Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, Renee Zellwenger, and Catherine Zeta-Jones, who were the stars of "Chicago." They are here to give the award for Best Score.

    The nominees are: "Anna Karenina," "Argo," "Life of Pi," "Skyfall," and "Lincoln."

    The winner is "Life of Pi," although it should have gone to "Skyfall."

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  78. GH: Now we get the nominees for Best Song. I remember when they actually used to perform the nominated songs. This year, the only nominated song performed at the ceremony was "Skyfall," although we get excerpts from the other songs.

    The winner, of course, is "Skyfall." Adele comes out and starts crying. The British guy who co-wrote the song with her does a better job of remembering to thank everyone.

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  79. GH: OK, now we're getting stars. Here are Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron. They're here to give the writing awards, which are my favorite awards of the night. To me, the award for Best Original Screenplay is the best award of all.

    Here are the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay: "Argo," "Beasts of the Southern Wild," "Life of Pi," "Lincoln," and "Silver Linings Playbook."

    The winner is: "Argo."

    Here are the nominees for Best Original Screenplay: "Amour," "Django Unchained," "Flight," "Moonrise Kingdom," and "Zero Dark Thirty."

    The winner is "Django Unchained," which gives us all a chance to hear from Quentin Tarentino. He says that if his characters live, it's because he had great actors to play them. He also says it was a great year for writers. The crowd is very pleased.

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  80. GH: Now we have two more real stars -- Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas -- to give out the award for Best Director. The big question here is whether Steven Spielberg will win for "Lincoln."

    But no: the Oscar goes to Ang Lee, for "Life of Pi." This is his second win - he previously won for "Brokeback Mountain."

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  81. GH: Now it's time for Best Actress. We, of course, are rooting for Louisville's own Jennifer Lawrence.

    And she wins! And then she trips walking up the stairs.

    She says, "This is nuts!" She thanks many, many people in a breathless voice, and goes off looking somewhat overwhelmed.

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  82. GH: Meryl Streep comes out to give the award for Best Actor, which goes to Daniel Day-Lewis. This is a big deal, as Day-Lewis also won for "My Left Foot" and "There Will Be Blood." Thus, he becomes the first actor -- ever -- to win the award for Best Actor on three different occasions.

    He comes up and does a hilarious bit about how, originally, he was supposed to play Margaret Thatcher, while Meryl Streep was Spielberg's first choice to play Lincoln. "I'd still like to see that version." It's hilarious, and is, in fact, the only really funny moment of the night.

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  83. GH: Finally, we get Jack Nicholson to give the Best Picture Award. But first, he throws it to the White House, where Michelle Obama gives us a few minutes on how great the movies are. Jack (in Hollywood) lists the nominees, and then Michelle Obama (in Washington) tells us that InTrade was correct, and that "Argo" is the winner.

    Ben Affleck, George Clooney, and another guy come up and get the awards. And the other guy (who presumably did most of the actual production work) gives a nice little speech.

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  84. GH: Ben Affleck then gives a very rushed speech, but he is obviously pleased to prove that his win for "Good Will Hunting" all those years ago was no fluke.

    And that's it. Another round of Oscars is in the books. My guess is that ten years from now, Daniel Day-Lewis's performance will be the main thing that folks remember from this year.

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  85. GH: And I really hope we don't get Seth MacFarlane as host again.

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